Dear Chuck
by wishing-is-wasting
Summary: Set After Season Two.Today Chuck Bass you have made me hate you more than I ever knew was possible; you have made me regret ever even looking at you. Today Chuck Bass, you died. ChuckXBlair


Dear Chuck.

I hate you. There have been times in my life when I have hated you, when you've messed up so badly that I just want to yell and scream at you, to act like you don't exist to me, but now. Today Chuck Bass you have made me hate you more than I ever knew was possible; you have made me regret ever even looking at you. Today Chuck Bass, you died.

I remember that summer, when we were going to Tuscany, and you never came. I remember that sinking, hollow feeling when I first realised you had left me. That hurt. That hurt me more than any of the shit Nate ever put me through because it was you. It was you, and maybe it was always you. Nate had always been the perfect guy for me, it had always been that way. But he's not perfect. He screws up too, but unlike you he cant screw up in style. So I was sitting there in Tuscany waiting for you, and deep down I knew you weren't coming, and I knew it wasn't because of family or business, it was you. But today was a million times worse, because now I know you aren't coming back for me. Before I could dream about it, you coming with my favourite flowers and sinking in to bed next to me and whispering to me. Telling me how beautiful I was, how much you needed me and that you loved me.

Now its over, because you cant come back. You've left me all alone, and I hate you for it. How am I meant to go on like this? Chuck, you told me this time we had forever to work it out, that no matter what we had years and years to argue and play games and to love each other. Its all just lies with you isn't it. How could you make me all those promises, look me in the eyes with your hypnotic stare, and then die on me. How could you?

It was all those drugs you took with Nate. You never listened to me. I told you all those years back when we were twelve that it was going to kill you. You laughed that hollow empty laugh you do, when you've smoked too much and told me to lighten up, or light one up. I wasn't amused. But I let you, I let you smoke your precious weed, and I never told anyone. But I was right, because you may be Chuck Bass but I am Blair Waldorf and I am always right. Maybe it was the drinking. All that scotch you took from your dad. But everyone drinks, in our world you have to. But it never seemed to affect you, did it? You never knew when to stop, you would just sit there with that bottle drinking it for as long as it took for it to run out.

They told me it was the new pills. But I didn't know about any new pills, so they must be lying. You would've told me wouldn't you Chuck? Apparently you had trouble sleeping, but you always seemed fine with me. But then again we didn't spend a lot of time sleeping, did we? They said it was an accident, that you were probably drunk and didn't realise what you were doing. I didn't mention the weed though, just in case. They just need something to blame it on, so the press can make another headline about the tragic death of a billionaire heir. But you weren't like the rest Chuck, you were different. You had me, and we were going to be so happy together, why did you leave me Chuck? I need you, I've always needed you, even when I hate you I still need you. I stuck by you through everything, because I believed that you were different, I thought you loved me.

And what about everyone else Chuck? Its not just me you've left. Lily will be in pieces, and so will Eric. What about Serena? You'll probably set her off running away again, and who knows where she'll go this time. I need her here with me if your gone, its not fair to lose you and for her to go somewhere too. Can't you stay with me? And Nate. You're his best friend Chuck, and I know you haven't been so close these last few months but you and him have been friends forever. For as long as I'd been chasing Nate, you'd always be standing around somewhere with your superior smug. He won't be the same without you.

Please don't leave me Chuck.

How am I meant to ever face the world again? They all told me you were a mistake, that I was stupid to fall for the notorious playboy, but they were wrong weren't they? But I cant look at them anymore, because you wont be there to hold my hand, to tell me we're so much better than them, that you love me. I'll fall apart without you. They'll all prettier than me, all skinnier than me and I need you to prove that that's wrong. No one else ever understood my problems like you did, and when I was with you it wasn't a problem because you made it better, you made it go away. Nate never noticed, no one ever noticed except you. Maybe you were the first person that ever really, truly loved me. But you're gone Chuck, you've left me now.

And Bass Industries? What about that? Its going to go to Jack now, you know Chuck. Jack, who we swore we'd never mention again, and he's getting your company now. He'll probably move to the city again, and I'll be forced to see him all the time, and this time you wont be there to protect me. Not that you did before, but still. I cant bare the thought of him getting credit for everything you've worked so hard for, to picture him sitting in that office chair of yours, his finger tapping on your computer… Its all just wrong. That was your office, and no one else's. Jack cant come back he cant. I hate him. I really hate him. Almost as much as I hate you.

But I don't hate you Chuck. I love you. I always have, I love you so much and I don't care who knows anymore. I wish you hadn't gone, because I cant live without you. And I'm not just saying this because I want a Romeo and Juliet ending. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Who am I without you Chuck?

I love you Chuck, and I know that doesn't mean much anymore but its true.

Blair.


End file.
